Photographic Storytelling: An Interview

Heads up! Somewhat graphic image and strong language are gonna be in this interview!

Names have been removed to protect the identity of the subject.

“Those movies… They make it seem like we lived fabulous lives. Rich life. Beautiful women. Big housing… Most people get that it’s just Hollywood trying to make us look all fancy and… and all that jazz. It’s still bullshit. Oop… I mean… It’s still fake. If you were to visit me at home, back then when I was still workin’, it’d look just like any ol’ bachelor pad you’d see back in those day. All messy and disorganized… Not to say I wasn’t careful with my equipment. That was always hidden away somewhere eyes wouldn’ wander. Changed ‘em place every week too… You couldn’t ever be too careful working like that. All it takes is one slip up and sudden ev’ryone’d be asking questions and gettin’ all suspicous like. But I was good. No one ever knew. Some night i’d wish I could tell someone… just talk to ‘em and get my thoughts off my chest. Hell, you don’t get into that work by trusting people. And you definitely don’t survive it like that either.”

                            


“Oh boy… uh… The first death I ever witnessed had to be… God, it was the next door neighbors poor mama cat. Even just afta’ popping out a few babies she was always dashing around the place. I had been helpin’ my pa unload a new radio from his truck.. they were pretty sizable ‘round that time. Can’t believe how damn small they come now. Even your gadget there recording me… ‘Nways, another neighbor across from us, Mr. (Removed) if I recall, was pullin’ out in his car… Chrysler Imperial I think it was. Was just new, ‘n I remember the shine gleamin’ from it. Reckon that mama cat did too and took too much of a liken’ to it. Ran right behind it before (Removed) could finish backin’ up… It sounded just like when I used to have a bad habit of crackin’ my knuckles. Sad thing’s was twisted completely in half. It certainly wasn’t quick for the thing. My pa… wasn’t an easily fazed man. He saw the mama in pain and went right over to it. Stepped it’s head right it and put it out of it’s misery… Death is hardly ever quick or kind. He’s a cruel bastard.
                            


“Sorry for my dirty language… But god, I fucked up the first job I took. I don’t think I was any older than you look… Nineteen? I was somewhere ‘round that. Some college bastard offered me quite a sum to take out some rat who had tried to pick up his woman. I don’t know why I took he. He was a crazy son of a gun. Maybe I just just as craz’ as he was… I got the guy’s address and did my thing. I had some experience prior to doin’ this… I shouldn’t get into that… But this was my first solo job. I had a plan and everything was set up and goin’ accordin’ to plan… Uh… Since this was my first solo and I was alone, and didn’t really have a lot to work with. All I had was this knife… More like a sword of some sort. But I stab the guy. I swear to god, it was supposed to be quick, but I fucked… It wasn’t quick for him. I don’t think he was even dead by the time I left. I just had to get out of there. He wasn’t screamin’ or nothin’. But he was still gaspin’... Reaching out for me… I nearly puked right there and then. Thank god I didn’t, else I probably would’ve been found. I didn’t sleep for the next week. I didn’t even get paid… I was too fucked up to talk to the bastard who hired me, I just couldn’ bring myself to face him. It never got easier after that. I just learned how to swallow the pain better.”
                       


“(Laughs) I still have that sword all the way from the first job. (Removed) found it long while after we got together… I was done with all that stuff. I left when she came into my life… She asked me where I got it. I told her it was from my youngin’ days, somewhere around there. Can’t say why, but she was awfully picky. Maybe she was seein’ through my lies or she knew somethin’ I didn’t. Either way… I ended up telling her what I used to do. This wasn’t all that long ago. I’d say we’d been together nearly forty years at that point. I just never told her. Didn’t want her to know or be burdened with my past. But I suppose the past comes out eventually. I told her everything, and she listened quietly to it all… God bless her heart… I almost expected her to leave me, after all those long years… She told me she loved me. The past was the past. Nothin’ we can do about it now. She loved the man I had become, not the person I used to be. Still brings a tear to my eye after all this time… Although I suppose it could’ve been a lot worse.”

Did she say anything else?

“Not much… But I slept on the couch that night.”
                       


“She also told me that if God could forgive me, she could forgive me. She was a good Christian girl all her life, always goin’ to church and makin’ me come along… Not sure if I believe all that gospel stuff, but I guess I believe in something. Not sure what’s up there, but whatever it is, I can only hope they’re as forgiving as she was. Else I’ll have a hell of a lot to answer for.
I think when she passed… it was definitely a first for me. We never had much close family, nor kids. We didn’t want none of that… All my life death had been painful and… Not pretty. It was a terribly dark thing. But when she was sick, it was… peaceful. (Removed) was never in pain, thanks to them docs… There was a smile on her the whole time. It was so quiet… But I suppose her time here was done. When she finally passed, she let out this sort of sigh. And I recognized it from all the other deaths i’d seen. But… this was the first time I had seen it so peacefully… with a smile. She was always teachin’ me new things. Even then, she still taught me somethin’ new.”

What did she teach you?

“That there can be peace in death.”